WOMEN’S BODIES: SEXUAL SENSATIONS AND EMOTIONS IN ADOLESCENCE
Puberty brings new body sensations and emotions that are part of the normal sexual awakening in preparation for adult sexuality. The changes can be confusing, exhilarating or alarming – often all of these. It takes most of us some years to sort out what it’s all about. Many adults remain confused by their sexuality.
Most of us discover as children that touching our genitals feels good, and different from touching other parts of our bodies. Natural curiosity leads us to explore what our genitals look like and to see what other sensations can come from them. Many kids do this with their playmates.
Over the first few years of puberty, genital sensations become much more intense. You might also discover exciting feelings from touching your breasts, buttocks, inner thighs and other parts of your body. These feelings can be stimulated by incidental touching (such as your clothes brushing against sensitive parts), by thinking, talking or reading about sex, by seeing sexy films or pictures, or they can come on out of the blue.
Sexual sensations can be overwhelmingly powerful, driving everything else out of your mind while they’re there. You’ll probably feel the urge to masturbate, to touch yourself to increase and enjoy the sensations more. This is normal. It’s said that ninety-something per cent of people admit to masturbation and the rest are lying. Yet most people feel uncomfortable about it. Many feel guilt, shame and anxiety, especially if they’ve learnt that it’s ‘bad’ or ‘dirty’ to touch ‘down there’.
There are so many myths about masturbation and the harm it is supposed to do. These myths mostly arose last century when any expression of sexuality was feared, and they’re still used to frighten and deter people, even though they’re untrue. Masturbation won’t cause madness, blindness, warts on your hands or whatever. And it won’t spoil your enjoyment of sex with another person when the time for that comes.
Masturbation could only be harmful if it becomes obsessive (note that I said obsessive, not excessive – it’s not possible to masturbate to excess) and interferes with the rest of your life, or if it makes you feel guilty. Otherwise it has some advantages for adolescents:
• it’s a way to explore sexual sensations at a time when you’re not ready for sex with someone else;
• it releases sexual tension;
• there is no risk of pregnancy or catching sexually transmissible diseases (STDs).
Around the same time as you notice increased sexual sensations you’ll become interested in boys in a very different way from the pally friendships you had with your childhood playmates. Between the ages of 12 and 15 most girls have their first ‘crush’ on a boy (or sometimes on an older girl). You feel you want to have a special friendship with them, be alone with them, share all your thoughts and feelings, touch them. You can’t get your mind off them. You daydream about the wonderful things that will happen when you’re together. These dreams usually don’t include sex. They’re often romantic and highly emotional dreamings, rather vague when it gets down to the details of what might happen between you.
Your first infatuation is usually a mixture of agony and ecstasy. You may feel faint with joy if he speaks to you (‘Can I copy your maths homework? I haven’t done mine’), and be so overwhelmed that you don’t know how to reply or what to do. It can be devastating if your crush doesn’t seem to notice you, or just treats you in the same way as he treats other girls.
Crushes usually don’t last for long, which is just as well because they are bewildering and exhausting. But they can often leave you feeling thoroughly miserable when you realize there’s no hope or
if you become disillusioned with your love (‘He was only interested in my maths homework!’). Fortunately you’ll recover quickly, though you may not think so at the time.
As you get older, you’ll find falling in love and sexual attraction easier to deal with than those first crushes, though even older adults can still ‘get it bad’. You’ll realize the value of other aspects of a relationship: companionship; shared interests and responsibilities; respect and care for each other; loyalty; making plans together.
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